The days that followed were like a roller coaster of emotions, all within the same day. Duties and chores kept me going through the day but as soon as a task is completed, the memories of Ah Mah came flooding back. Things that she used to say so very frequently became audible. Places and things I encountered had her feel and flavour in it. It isn't easy to describe. Regrets and guilt also came a-calling everytime I had memory-flashback of the times when I could have spent with her but was preoccupied with something else. Despite all these, the good Lord gave me ample time to prepare myself for Ah Mah's departure and I am everlastingly grateful for this. He knows how much I needed that. I rest in the comfort that Ah Mah chose to go home when I was around. Could she have found comfort in my presence? This is very comforting to me.
This was the room which Ah Mah stayed in with the maid, Midah, for the past 2 years after she fractured both her femur and could not make it to her own room upstairs. As usual, she always has a container next to her and is filled with items like tiger balm, lip balm, comb, tissues, fisherman's friend mints, lotion and a small torchlight.
I had long ago wanted a tangible token from Ah Mah to remember her by. She had given me her gold ring, one which the original carvings have been moulded smooth from frequent use. 2 weeks before her departure, I ransacked my old house in search for this. It is of sovereign importance to me, especially at this time. Could not find it at all. Was in such state of distress that I could not focus for several days. I later found out that I have returned it to Ah Mah and asked her to give it to me at a much later stage but this ring unfortunately slipped off Ah Mah's finger into a drain instead, as recited by the maid.
All is not lost. She still has a few items which are capable of making tangible reminders.
This is the watch which I had bought from the money she gave me when I was a teenager. Needless to say, it has become my priced possession. It will be an antique heirloom, bursting with sentimental value. I had it brought to life by replacing it with new battery and wore it soonafter.
This was the blouse which Ah Mah wore just before she passed on. The maid had washed it, much to my utmost distress so it smelled of detergent rather than her natural body odour. No credits for being efficient here.
Ah Mah's second favourite pair of shoes which she wears to church often.
The handbag which Ah Mah carries to church. It has become my favourite handbag. Give me an Hermes or a Chanel and I will choose this one hands down.
The quintessential black pouch, the shape and design which has Ah Mah's name written on it. This now has a home in the most cosy corner of my handbag.
This is the bottle water that Ah Mah bought for me. She bought one for everyone, each in different colour. It is suppose to be something we take with us to bed every night. She always emphasized how important it is to drink lots of water.
That telephone booklet which has Ah Mah's Picasso swirls in it. She is not educated but has sufficient creativity to draw pictures to describe the person. I recalled a friend by the name of Mr Lee appeared as a lemon in Ah Mah's booklet. Lemon stands for "Lei". A picture of a friend who fries char kuay teow for a living was described by Ah Mah by drawing a "wok". Another friend whose name is "Hoong" was transcribed into a dark red medium-sized dot to signify the colour "red" for "Hoong".
Here are some of the pages from that telephone booklet. I have seen her writing like a child learning to write for the first time. That image of her holding the pen and her intense focus to get a number written is deeply embedded in my mind as if i have seen it just yesterday. Take a look at them. The slashes were deliberate as it meant that the person has shifted and has lost contact or is no longer around.
More random postings will follow.
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