Ah Mah: 17 days before the departure

1 July 2011:
I had to write about my granny tonight. She will turn 85 tomorrow. 

Ah Mah on Chris' 3rd Birthday Party

At the moment, she is in the hospital for suspected mild stroke. She was readmitted after being discharged for a week due to difficulty in breathing. The common symptoms of weak pulse and irregular heartbeat drove all of us to believe that the end may be near. Miraculously, she got better and was discharged but now readmitted after she was unable to feed. Another symptom of "being near". Drs have inserted a tube into her nostrils to allow direct fluid feeding. I had wanted to let her know that I was there but her eyes remained shut. Whispered into her ears. I get response sometimes but none most of the time. It hurts to see someone you loved so dearly being in such a condition. Her first admission has gotten us prepared. I had imagined the worst and wanted to ensure that she REALLY understood the meaning of salvation. Asked her to remember Jesus, that's all she needs to think about. She nodded then. That was 2 weeks ago.



The reason i visited her at all today is also for the same reason. It was more to convince MYSELF that she really understands what salvation means. It is important to ME because i want to see her again when we are all in that better place. There was no response for about an hour. Uttered a prayer and stroked her. Tried again just before i turned to leave, saying "Remember Jesus yeah?" Lo and behold she opened her mouth and said this "Wa Chai" which means "I know" in Teo Chew. Those words jolted me upright through and through. She understood!!! She got what i am trying to impart. She knows who her Saviour is. She understands!! She heard me and told me that she understood and knew.

The relief and joy that followed thereafter was indescribable. Kept playing that moment again and again as if to convince myself that my mind isn't playing a trick on me. Wondered if i had imagined it all as is usually the case when one expects something to happen, their minds play games on them but this time i am sure. I saw her lips moved. They moved and uttered those words. Praise the Lord. Thank you. It could have been you speaking through her to comfort me. I got it. 

And then i pondered over the issue of life and death. Ministering to those who are "near" is really the whole point of living. This particular act is the very reason for all that daily rituals. Come to think of it, it is the most important thing that can be done on earth as soon as we are born: To ensure that we know THE TRUTH which determines where we will be eternally.

Whatever that happens after this will be regarded as a celebration of her life. It is a celebration. She has lived a good life. Even if she hasn't, knowing who she belongs to IS that celebration.

Ah Mah during Sarah's Full Moon

This post is dedicated to my ah mah whom i loved pretty intensely, way..... back when i was just a toddler. I recalled that incident when i imagined the day when she is no longer around and could not find the comfort everywhere i look. i am unable to handle that loss. It bothered me immensely. There is just no way that i could allow that to happen. This was an unspoken sadness that grew with me all those years before i found Christ. I couldn't understand why humans are not made to last. How could anyone deal with such a loss? And this was coming from a 5-year-old me.

I obviously found the antidote to that inexplicable sadness when i found Christ. Humans are made to last afterall and this is how it ought to be. How can anyone bear to part with their loved ones for eternity? No way. Too high a degree of pain. Eternal existence is the only way to go if love is to prevail. I am so glad that this is how it will be.

As of now, she is sustained through the feeding tube. We are not sure how long this will last. All that burst of energy, the cognisance and the wit just 2 weeks ago are not contenders of organ disintegration.

The next post will be the unveiling of all those great times spent with her. I will walk down memory lane tomorrow and delve into deep reminisce of how she has played a role in shaping my earliest childhood. Early childhood memories are extremely powerful. The people who were there for you 24 hours a day 7 days a week during the early childhood times ARE the ones who will eventually shape your character and be the "home source" of everything you decide. They create a place where your heart goes to in order to find that familiar cosy corner where thoughts and actions are manufactured.