Ah Mah: The Final Moments before Departure

That time came: 1:25am on 18 July 2011. Ah Mah went home to be with her Saviour. Her final moment? All peaceful and well, no struggling nor gasping. She just went from laboured breathing to no breathing. In other words, the good Lord took her in her sleep. And she had her oldest granddaughter holding her hands all through the departure.
Got a call in the afternoon to alert about plummeting pulse, laboured breathing and inability to swallow. She has been excreting blood-filled black urine for 3 days, a sign i later discovered as muscle breakdown which means Ah Mah has a lifespan of 2 days or less. She then slipped into a coma yesterday afternoon. We were there from noon till dinner time to talk to her. I did my usual topic, about following Jesus and that everyone loves her, Chris shouted several times in her ears, saying I love you, Ah Mah, Leonard spoke in cantonese about the cross and Jesus. We then went for grocery shopping. Came back after that to spend more time. Then we left for home.

The best thing that came out of this is the decision that i made to spend a night with granny. i had an intuition that she may not make it past another day so i had wanted to sleep next to her on the same bed, just to hug and talk and cuddle and smell and stroke her. Afraid i would break the bed and cautious about her not having enough oxygen in such close proximity, i decided to sleep on a couch next to her. Opened up her fingers and placed them onto mine, exactly the same way we held hands when i laid on her lap while listening to the master storyteller during those dimly-lit nights two decades ago.

And so i gazed. At her and at her heaving chest. Her lips closed and opened occasionally. Good sign coz there is still life. Pulse was irregular. I could not explain the tears that just could not stop flowing. Haven't i prepared myself for all these? Spoken all there is to say and did all there is to do. We were waiting for the Comforters to come around in the morning to check on her although a part of me wanted her to go to that marvellous place where she no longer needs to suffer. I had to thank that uncomfortable couch for it was this that kept me awake and it was after we held hands for about 2 hours that i realised that the laboured breathing is gone. Thought she may have fallen into deep sleep. Then felt her chest. No heaving. Placed my finger at the tip of her nose. No air. Felt pulse. Could only feel mine. Jumped out of couch. Alerted maid. She also lept. She checked and said it has happened before and her heartbeat will resume after five minutes. So we waited. After ten minutes, still nothing. Jaw agaped. I opened her eyes and found full iris but without reaction. Knew then that Ah Mah has left us for good this time. Placed my lips on her forehead for a few minutes and heard the receding of fluid. Seen a documentary about the anatomy after death and there seems to be a receding of bodily fluid that happens immediately after a person has breathes his last breath. Glad that the suffering is all over. It must have been excruciatingly painful for her to have endured that urinary tract infection and the general organ failure had she been alive.

Stillness swept over. Still gazing at Ah Mah's lifeless body but this time, there was no movement. It was heaving so much just minutes ago. Was told that the brain is still alive 45 minutes after the last breath and so i did it again: tilted her head so that i could speak into her ears for what really is the last ministering session: Follow Jesus.

We had about an hour plus to digest that fact and took the chance to stroke her head and hands while the maid packed her belongings for the mortician. I was bequeathed the honour of choosing the attire which she is to wear and handpicked the one i designed for her for my wedding night. A pale green hard georgette pantsuit with embroidery on the chest and layered collar. The crystals were hand-ironed on the embrodered motifs by me just a few hours before the wedding. Her favourite shoes were the dark blue velvet soft cover-ups.

4 caretakers arrived in a van with a silver platform. Went into Ah Mah's room and effortlessly carried her from her bed and transferred her onto the silver platform. Reality really strucked when they covered her entire body, including her face, in a white cloth. Within minutes, she is gone. All body, soul and spirit. The bed which she has been lying on for years was now empty, with the sunken shape of her body still visible. My Ah Mah is really, really gone now. The lady who cared for me from birth, one whose lap i laid my head on, the only one who ever showed me tenderness and warmth, one who took care of me when i was ill, who covered me with blankie at night, one who instilled in me the importance of having an insurance policy, one whose words governed my natural thought life, one who cooked all my meals growing up, one who provided that glimpse of life full of hope, is now not here.

In our finite minds, my vision of heaven is like the places one sees in Calgary and Alberta. Endless streams of clear water in the midst of colourful floral beds, well-trimmed grass against cosy pebbles. The mansions that Jesus were talking about could have resembled the gorgeous houses i have seen in Beverly Hills, LA. Ah Mah is certainly in a better place than where we are now. For eternity. Spending time with the Creator of everything. The only thing that fulfilles our deepest desire. I hope my mansion would look like this but i have a feeling that my version of majesty and grandeur is probably less than 2-cents' worth of what God is capable of creating.